Why I Love the Movie Cocktail

by

Leigh A. Godfrey

Not just a movie about bartenders, this film rises above the confines of its genre to give a detailed portrayal of a man who dreams of being rich and successful, but must struggle, not only with himself, but against amoral individuals who prey upon his own fears to keep him down. After finally confronting his demons he triumphs, taking a different path to the one he initially supposed he would travel, but ultimately emerging successful and happy.

I'm not kidding, I swear.

Act One: "The Rise and Fall" or "Make Mine a Pink Squirrel."

In Cocktail, Tom Cruise plays Brian Flanagan, a nice Irish boy from some backwater town who, after "serving his country" (this is never fully explained, but one can assume he was in the Army reserves or something as no war was being waged in 1988 as far as I know) heads off to New York to make it big in the financial world. A visit and pep talk with stereotypical Irishman Uncle Pat (he owns a bar!) lays out the whole film for the viewer:

Uncle Pat: "What are you going to do?"
Tom: "Make a million."
Uncle Pat (laughs): "In the meantime, I'll get McDougall to offer you a job."
Tom (incredulous): "No way!"
Uncle Pat: "It was good enough for your old man . . . he supported a family on that job, just like you're gonna have to do."
Tom: "Not me, I'm not falling into that trap."
Uncle Pat: "Everyone wakes up and finds themselves married with kids someday. It's like most things in life, good or bad, it just kind of happens to you."
Tom: "Well, I'm gonna make things happen for me."

Tom then goes on to discuss the finer points of making a million with savvy old Uncle Pat, who gives him his first piece of valuable advice in a conversation that might have come from a pitch meeting for the reality series Survivor:

Uncle Pat: "You outwork, out-scheme, out-think, and outmaneuver. You make no friends, you trust nobody. And you make damn sure you're the smartest guy in the room whenever the subject of money comes up."
Tom: "I don't know Uncle Pat. It doesn't sound like very much fun to me."
Uncle Pat: "Fun? You want fun go play at the beach."
Tom: "I think I'll try the city first."

So he hits the Big Apple, and in a poetic montage poor Tom has the doors of many institutes of high finance slammed in his face. Although he seemed dead set against the working class life mere moments before, he spies a "Help Wanted" sign in a local bar and wanders in. There he is set upon by a madly ranting Doug Coughlin (Bryan Brown), who proceeds to bitch-slap Tom into uncovering his true bartender self. He does this by issuing a number of "Coughlin's Laws." "Anything else is always something better" and "Beer is for breakfast," being some of the many fine bon mots this aging lothario throws around. Seeing that Tom has no hope of being Charlie Sheen in Wall Street, Doug offers him a job.

Tom's first night working in the bar is a nightmare. He is dropping bottles and can't remember anyone's order. What's in a Pink Squirrel? Who ordered the Velvet Hammer? (Here I would like to posit that no one could expect any bartender to know how to make a Pink Squirrel or a Velvet Hammer, both of which feature crème de cacao and cream as ingredients and sound like something a 70 year-old woman might sip as a digestive.) The customers are frustrated. The waitresses are frustrated. Tom is frustrated. Being a stockbroker must be better than this, he thinks. But the next day he can barely keep his eyes open in class.

Aha, you may see where this is going.

Cut to another montage of Tom learning the tricks of the bartending trade and lip-synching to some rockin' songs along with his mentor. Tom gets the hang of bartending and finds business school less than compelling. Doug is no help, as he bullies poor Tom into subverting his dream of striking it rich via a bar franchise, into being head bartender at the hottest nightclub in town.

Tom still blindly clings to his dream of ruling the world, although his hopes are now pinned to a feeble childish drawing of a stick figure standing on top of a circle enclosing the words "Cocktails and Dreams." How pathetic is that?

Remember this drawing, as it will be the centerpiece of a later revelatory moment.

So, as another rung on the ladder to his dreams, Tom dons a striped shirt and joins Doug as the crazy bartending duo of the 80s excess nightclub "Cell Block." Here is where I'd like to point out one reason why I love the movie Cocktail so much. Although it is called "Cocktail" you see Tom and Doug make six drinks between them the whole movie, and the only recognizable drink I saw either one of them pour was a Campari and soda—and I only know of one person who admits to drinking that. The rest of the time is spent tossing around cocktail shakers and bottles of booze and Tom standing up on the bar reciting pearls of wisdom in the form of "poems."

Now, I don't know about you, but where I'm from, if a bartender wastes my time by performing stupid carafe acrobatics then I'm pissed off, he gets no tip, and I never return to this bar again. But in this movie the bar is packed every night with hundreds of admiring, big-tipping, if rather thirsty, patrons and women who fall all over themselves and can't get enough of these two bards of the bar.

Gina Gershon is one of these women. Gina plays Coral, a photographer with whom Tom shares a few sweaty lustful nights and decides he's in love. In love enough to break up with his boyfriend Doug when he finds out Doug has also bagged the lovely Coral (only to teach Tom a lesson, of course). Their break up is a very dramatic scene that is played out behind the bar, with Doug brandishing a broken bottle of Jack Daniels at Tom's throat as Tom shouts: "You wanna cut me?"

After living through this kind of melodrama, Tom decides New York is too fast-paced for him, so, as foreshadowed in his earlier conversation with Uncle Pat, he goes to the beach, which in this case means he heads down to Jamaica accompanied by the strains of that Beach Boys hit "Kokomo" featuring John Stamos on bongos! Here is where the story really picks up steam.

We have now entered the second act of this little morality play, "The Turning Point," or what I like to call "Tom realizes the love of a good woman may almost be as satisfying as a banana daiquiri."

So here we are in Jamaica. It seems like it must be a week later, but we find out that Tom has been down in this tropical paradise for three years (!) Tom is tanned and relaxed. He wears flowered shirts and has learned how to use a blender. And one afternoon while mixing up some fruity rum drinks, Jordan Mooney (Elisabeth Shue) elbows her way up to the bar as only a true damsel in distress can do.

"My friend just passed out, do you have a phone?" she says. Instead of pointing her to the nearest phone kiosk, Tom jumps over the bar and runs to the beach to investigate the situation. Apparently, he's under the mistaken impression that mixologist is a special branch of the medical field. Jordan informs him that her friend has been drinking champagne in the sun. So instead of rushing the girl off to a hospital or checking her pulse or even loosening her bathing suit, Tom pauses to utter what has to be one of the greatest/lamest lines ever said in a movie: "Champagne. Perfume going in, sewage coming out."

If that's not enough to love the movie Cocktail then, really, what is?

But there's more. Jordan and Tom make cow eyes at each other and the next thing you know, they are having a full-on Jamaican tourist board affair montage, set to a reggae version of "Run For the Shelter of Your Love." They ride horses on the beach, they dance with locals in the street, they make love under a waterfall. Ooh, so romantic! It doesn't matter to Tom that she's a poor waitress cum artist and can do nothing for his career. He lives in Jamaica now, mon. He shares with her his dreams of becoming a millionaire and she coos and says supportive things like: "Your flugelbinder is out there waiting to be discovered." It must be true love!

But then wouldn't you know it, Tom's ex-boyfriend Doug shows up to ruin the party. On his honeymoon and toting his foxy rich wife Kerry (played by Kelly Lynch in Bo Derek mode) Doug immediately begins to lay into Tom, actually accusing him of taking pride in his work! While the bartender badinage flies fast and furious, Doug makes Tom feel ashamed not only for being a good bartender, but for being so into dull old Jordan and not even attempting to land a rich hottie like Doug has successfully done. So when Doug wagers that Tom can't score with wealthy older woman Bonnie, Tom forgets all about Jordan and moves in for the kill. Poor Jordan! She sees the whole horrid display of manliness and runs back to New York, licking her wounds. Tom feels some slight remorse, but its nothing a few blowjobs from Bonnie can't cure, right? Wrong, as it turns out. But this shocking plot twist has gotten us back to New York, where the action really starts to pick up in act three, "The Revelation," or "Be careful what you wish for and always listen to Uncle Pat."

So, Tom is a kept man now, and Bonnie is aerobicizing and drinking carrot juice and keeping poor Tom on a leash that's so short he can barely sneak away for few stalker moments to look in the window of the restaurant where Jordan works. After a drunken display at an art gallery, Tom and Bonnie call it quits for good and Tom tries to patch things up with Jordan. But she is upset and pregnant! And, even more shocking, rich!

In an effort to throw her off from the fact that he has no intention of being there for her or the baby, Tom accuses Jordan of hiding her wealth. After all, if he'd known, things might have turned out differently. But this ploy backfires, as Jordan chokes out: "I knew if I told you my family had money, then I'd never know how you felt about me . . . ME!" Uh oh, she had his number. Tom has really gotten into it now. He didn't make his millions, he's not successful, and now (just as Uncle Pat predicted) he's found himself responsible for a girl and a kid. What the heck happened? He can only turn back to his old mentor Doug for some advice. But things have gone horribly wrong for the master bartender. Although it seems like all of his dreams have come true—married to a millionairess, opening his own lavish nightclub, owns his own boat—it turns out that Doug is in fact suffering from deep depression, and has blown all of his money!

Doug confides that Tom was right all along, and that all of his posturing was to cover up the fact that he didn't know shit. This throws poor Tom for a loop since he has been harboring love and admiration for Doug since day one. But instead of getting him to a mental health clinic, Tom leaves Doug to drink alone so he can drive Kerry home, only to have her make a move on him. Shouting: "I can't make it with my best friend's old lady" Tom leaves and goes back to find said best friend to tell him it will all be okay. But Doug has seen the writing on the wall and slit his own throat with the broken shards of a $500 bottle of brandy. Oh the irony! Tom has a true Oscar moment here when he puts his hands in Doug's blood and then screams: "Somebody help me!"

Whew! Don't let anyone tell you this isn't a heavy movie.

Now Tom is like a ship at sea. He has nothing. No rich lady to bankroll him, no job, no boyfriend or mentor, and Jordan has moved back home with her wealthy folks and won't even see him. But after tearfully reading Doug's suicide note (thoughtfully forwarded by Kerry and featuring this charming and final Coughlin's Law: "Bury the dead, they stink up the joint") Tom glances up at the sad image of "Cocktails and Dreams" sketched out by Doug back in the good old days and he is determined to not let the dream die.

After liberating Jordan from her Park Avenue penthouse and marrying her, we see Tom a few months later as the proprietor of his own bar. That's right, it's Flanagan's Cocktails and Dreams. And Jordan's pregnant with twins—all's right with the world. And so the happy ending, which I admit was a long time coming, but really, didn't Tom deserve it? He grew as a person and realized that following in his father's footsteps, and being a working-class Joe with a wife and two kids, is better than having a million dollars.

This movie teaches us that style is not a substitute for substance, greed is not good and if you have sex under a waterfall in Jamaica you will get pregnant. These are all good morals to be fed while watching a movie about bartenders. And that's why I love the movie Cocktail. I give it four stars and three Pink Squirrels. Drink up!