Surreality TV

Fifteen minutes elapse between relishing Joel Stein's astute observations on E! 30 Most Outrageous Celebrity Feuds while packing, and standing right next to him at the Bob Hope Airport, check-in for flight to Park City. Too shy to approach the wry and witty writer, vows are made to track down the crush during Sundance.

Flight Connections

On the prop-like plane, our Delta flight attendant hails from the O.C., just like The Hills' LC. The vociferous Rhys Ryan masks his fear of flying with bourbon and sweet mentorship of 25 year-old NBC intern Justin Leader: "Do you know how Main Street works? Filmmakers Lodge?" Differences defined by pop culture references: "I grew up watching Maude." "I grew up watching Star Trek: The Next Generation."

Convos continue: industry lore, dotcom days, Movie Magic and Creative Planet. "Where can you buy original Pan Am Luggage?" (Rhys says, "Corner of Hazeltine & Burbank Blvd." A young Dyan Cannnon look-alike, named Diane, pipes up she's best friends with the owner.)

Email addresses exchanged; party invitations issued.

Eggs Over Ehren



Main Street Deli contretemps: hung-over hungry filmmaker accuses Michelle Argentine of allowing us to take cuts. Sundance may be subdued but the diner is slammed. Later, same filmmaker glares and stubs out cig in front of the Treasure Mountain Inn — venue for Slamdance Film Fest. Three times is the charm as we bump into nemesis Ehren Parks, producer of six and a half, at the UCLA party held at Café Terigo.

Postcards exchanged; apologies issued.

UCLA Alumi Party



Otter wears his Cal Berkeley rugby shirt and doesn't get his booty kicked. Robert Rosen, Dean of UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television expounds on "expanding the possibilities of what story, sound, and image can do."

(Otter and I spy Dr. Rosen on the flight home. He diligently works on a crossword puzzle, which reminds me to Netflix Wordplay.)

Barbara Boyle, Film Chair, Professor, UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television and past president of both IFP/West and Women In Film exhorts me to get more involved (and compliments my blue nail polish and black beret.)



We chat with the delightful Stacy Barnes and discuss the possibility of being distantly related.

(Great Aunt Katharine Ross was married to Great Uncle Reverend C. Rankin Barnes. His first short-lived marriage was to Florence Lowe "Pancho" Barnes, pioneer of women's aviation and owner of the Happy Bottom Riding Club. Fun fact: Uncle Rankin, Canon of San Diego, was occasionally flown up to San Simeon to play chess with William Randolph Hearst in the fabulous Hearst Castle.)

Ode to Joy!



Congratulations to Joy Saez, now Director of Writing Competitions for Slamdance Film Fest.

Slamdance Fireside Chat: The Art, Craft, and Business of Screenwriting: panelist Pamela Gray declares, "You expect when you're a poet, no-one's going to read your work, [however], when you write a screenplay, you expect to see it on the screen."

(Reverting back to "Flight Connections," Pamela Gray's first writing credit was Star Trek: The Next Generation teleplay "Violations" co-written with Jeri Taylor and based upon the story by Gray, Shari Goodhartz, and T Michael, the latter who was a member of the Movie Magic crew, pre-Creative Planet.)

Panelists discuss great expectations in topics ranging from pitches to copyright issues and the individual writing process. Perhaps because she is a junior high drama teacher and fellow Virgo, Nancy Kissam Drool is particularly inspiring. Tip: Beyond script & storyboard, Catherine Hardwicke creates "books," scrapbook visuals for Suits.

Gallery Shorts Block 1

Unfortunately, there isn't time to see Tony Zoreil, but The Covenant of Mr. Kasch, Dish, and I Don't Sleep I Dream are all highly charged short films that bode well for these filmmakers' future.

Be Ready on the Set



Rhys Ryan is our genial host at The Spur for scenechronize, "radically useful software for the entire production." The NBC intern circulates; Otter and M. Argentine and I chat with cute locals Cory Burnett and his blonde bombshell gal pal Tangee.

Tangee
M. Argentine cozies
up to Cory.

Hospitality Sweet



The Argentine • Astro • Wong Household is accessorized with a fire engine red fire hydrant.

Heber Field Trip


Breakfast at Chicks alongside barbershop Dicks.

E!


Astro's Bigger Than Bob at the Entertainment Weekly
headquarters Kimball Art Center.

Astro on a lead is the lure for Joel Stein, still not to be spotted. Instead, the Harlequin Great Dane encounters Emma Roberts — both are immediately enamored. Atop The Dakota, E! News new correspondent Ashlan Gorse gets camera-ready to interview Greg Mottola and Kristen Stewart. Denise Richards minces down Main Street with a phalanx of men in black. Benjamin Bratt needs no entourage; tall, dark, and handsome (like Joel!) he passes out his own postcards. Packing for SuBurb(ank)ia, Joel Stein is found at last. Alas, not in real life, but on a re-run of Celebrity Feuds. Same time next year? Fortune not fooling, he might even be our Delta flight attendant!

Editor's Note: The aforementioned crush is purely writerly. Otherwise this article would be titled "Kissing Joel Stein." Really.